I think it was a very deliberate storytelling choice to keep the audience as much in the dark about Holdo's plan as Poe was so that the audience would side with Poe until Leia (who both Poe and the audience know and trust) steps onto the bridge to end the mutiny.
However, I don't think Holdo's gender or appearance was a big factor in that; it's a well-worn storytelling trope to have the good leader removed from command and replaced with someone who clashes with the regulars. Particularly relevant: the SG-1 episode "Chain Reaction" in which a brand-new male commander who replaced General Hammond for the episode confidently goes ahead with a plan that the female regular Samantha Carter questions and protests, and eventually his plan is executed and it turns out she was right and he was wrong and the Stargate is going to explode and wipe out all life on Earth until Sam devises and executes a cunning plan.
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However, I don't think Holdo's gender or appearance was a big factor in that; it's a well-worn storytelling trope to have the good leader removed from command and replaced with someone who clashes with the regulars. Particularly relevant: the SG-1 episode "Chain Reaction" in which a brand-new male commander who replaced General Hammond for the episode confidently goes ahead with a plan that the female regular Samantha Carter questions and protests, and eventually his plan is executed and it turns out she was right and he was wrong and the Stargate is going to explode and wipe out all life on Earth until Sam devises and executes a cunning plan.