Tip # 17 Their Frustration is Not Your Win

[wingedbeast]

At the beginning of this series, I promised only to help you avoid alienating the people that you're trying to convince. Well, that alienation might still happen. The common result of that alienation is frustration on the part of the person with whom you're conversing.

Repeating prejudices. Ignoring what you say in favor of a pre-defined script. Treating the conversation as a means to score rhetorical points rather than communicate.

Frustration is not a sign that you're just so obviously right that we have no answer.

That means a response such as one I've gotten to my frustration before, the single word question "flustered?" is not a good response.

Neither is claiming that it is the other person's problem for engaging in the first place or accusing them of moral failings for being frustrated.

These kinds of responses simply make your faith seem to be a faith for the smarmy and the smug.

Instead, be open to the possibility that you have done wrong. You need not leap to acts of penance before the person with whom you're conversing. Just, allow them to state what it is that frustrates them. It could be the trigger of frustrations from multiple prior such attempts. It could be that some arguments are just that bad.

And, of course, it could be something you've done wrong. Just be open to that possibility. That's called humility.

Comments

[amarie24]

Hey there, Beast! :D

You know, this is oh-so wonderful and this post in particular speaks to my own experiences with white Evangelical Christians. Long story short, I'll never forget back in 9th grade? I had a Jewish friend that explicitly said that Jesus is not part of her faith...those Good Christian Girls literally got out a Bible and tried to convert her, right there in gym class. I cannot make this shit up.

And so I just wanted to swing by and drop this link for you, if you haven't seen it already? It's from Patheos and about modern-day Evangelical & Fundamentalist Christianity's severe boundary problems. I think it's very insightful and hopefully you like it, dear friend! :D

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/excommunications/2015/05/christianity-has-a-major-boundary-problem/

[wingedbeast]

I'm already on the article you just linked to in the Ana Mardoll open thread. That said, you've loaded me with some reading material for work. Thank you.

[amarie24]

Oh you're so welcome! :D

[inquisitiveraven]

Dealing with people who repeat prejudices, who ignore what you say in favor of a pre-defined script, who in general treat the conversation as a means to score rhetorical points rather than a communication between two people.

This entire paragraph somehow does not manage to be a complete sentence. The "who" clauses are dependent clauses and can't stand on their own, but "dealing" is a gerund and can't stand on its own as the main verb of the sentence. You need a main verb, possibly with appropriate modifiers, even if that main verb is just "is frustrating."

Sorry, I hit the end of that paragraph and couldn't tell if "is frustrating" is how you wanted to end the sentence or if you had something more complex in mind for the main clause.

[wingedbeast]

This was a while back, but my intent was to give the examples and hope the intended audience could sense the frustration that would cause.