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wingedbeastEstablishing Shot: A fleet of flying saucers in space. The camera sweeps over the vast fleet to the lead vessel.
Setting: The bridge of the lead vessel is dark, with bright buttons and a bright display com.
Science Officer: Based on spectroscopic readings, the asteroids around this star can be used to refuel and to take on elements to use to make replacement parts. But, there are two points where we should be careful.
Science Officer: Firstly, it looks like the third planet from the star is host to a technological species. I'm seeing indications of satellites. Best to be avoided. Secondly... there's a lot of acid around.
Captain: It seems strange. All this acid. It's almost the most common element. In all our fleet's many generations of our quest, we are the only baking-soda-and-vinegar based lifeforms.
The Com sounds what, to us, would seem cacophonous. To the aliens, it has the same effect of the Hallelujah Chorus of Handel's Messiah.
The aliens all kneel, whispering about how long it's been are quickly hushed.
A voice comes over the coms.
God: Behold, for I am the One True God.
Captain: Oh, Lord. I did not think I would live when we heard your voice again. At times, I even... no, please forgive me my doubts. I wish only to obey, as our ancestors first did, all those centuries ago, when you sent us on this long, intergalactic mission.
God: Indeed. Of course, I forgive you. And, even for your faults, I give you the blessing to be the Captain of the fleet when your mission comes to fruition. Your mission is to go to the third planet from this star.
Science Officer: The Inhabited planet?
God: Indeed.
Captain: So, we are here to bring your message to this people?
God: Eh... no. I handled that, myself. Your purpose will be to go there to make war.
Captain: What? Why would we make war? They have but one planet.
Science Officer: And, it's a planet that seems to be more than three quarters covered in acid. Scientific readings suggests that there may be times when acid falls from the sky. This may be one of those worlds where the life-forms actually thrive on and even in the acid.
God: Yes, it's all of that.
Captain: Then... this seems strange to me. Did they reject your message? Do they need to be punished?
God: Oh, no... well, not all of them anyway. Besides, this isn't to punish them. No, you go make war on them. It's my plan.
Science Officer: We can make armor to shield against the acid-
God: No armor.
Science Officer: Well, we can at least use our weapons from distance-
God: No weapons.
Captain: God, we are but mere mortals and wish to obey you properly. How do you expect us to win a war when we're not allowed armor or weapons and in an ecology that is overflowing with acid that only burns us and not our enemies.
God: Oh, you're not going to win. You're going to die painfully... I thought that was obvious, what with all the water and how I made you a-
Science officer: Baking-soda-and-vinegar based lifeforms. We know.
God: I don't like your tone.
Captain in a hurry: May we know some details of your plan, that we may better fulfill our part.
God: Okay, see, there's this guy who was a preacher right up until when I killed his wife. From that, he lost his faith. This will be how he gets his faith back. Thus, my plan to take and then restore his faith.
Science Officer: Seems like the easier thing to do would have been just to not kill his wife in the first place. No need to restore what's not been taken away.
God: Listen, that attitude won't get you anywhere with me.
Captain: Please forgive the Science Officer, oh Lord. But, surely, you must see how, to us, this plan doesn't have all of the love and kindness and... even much planning or message.
God: Surely, you can see what would happen to you if you doubt my kindness and-
Captain: Understood, Lord. Understood.
God: Good, now hop to.
The com cuts off.
A silent moment on the bridge.
Science Officer: So... uh... what do we do?
Captain: What can we do? I guess we start the war by... I don't know... going to hang out in their atmosphere and makings in their crops?
Setting: The bridge of the lead vessel is dark, with bright buttons and a bright display com.
Science Officer: Based on spectroscopic readings, the asteroids around this star can be used to refuel and to take on elements to use to make replacement parts. But, there are two points where we should be careful.
Science Officer: Firstly, it looks like the third planet from the star is host to a technological species. I'm seeing indications of satellites. Best to be avoided. Secondly... there's a lot of acid around.
Captain: It seems strange. All this acid. It's almost the most common element. In all our fleet's many generations of our quest, we are the only baking-soda-and-vinegar based lifeforms.
The Com sounds what, to us, would seem cacophonous. To the aliens, it has the same effect of the Hallelujah Chorus of Handel's Messiah.
The aliens all kneel, whispering about how long it's been are quickly hushed.
A voice comes over the coms.
God: Behold, for I am the One True God.
Captain: Oh, Lord. I did not think I would live when we heard your voice again. At times, I even... no, please forgive me my doubts. I wish only to obey, as our ancestors first did, all those centuries ago, when you sent us on this long, intergalactic mission.
God: Indeed. Of course, I forgive you. And, even for your faults, I give you the blessing to be the Captain of the fleet when your mission comes to fruition. Your mission is to go to the third planet from this star.
Science Officer: The Inhabited planet?
God: Indeed.
Captain: So, we are here to bring your message to this people?
God: Eh... no. I handled that, myself. Your purpose will be to go there to make war.
Captain: What? Why would we make war? They have but one planet.
Science Officer: And, it's a planet that seems to be more than three quarters covered in acid. Scientific readings suggests that there may be times when acid falls from the sky. This may be one of those worlds where the life-forms actually thrive on and even in the acid.
God: Yes, it's all of that.
Captain: Then... this seems strange to me. Did they reject your message? Do they need to be punished?
God: Oh, no... well, not all of them anyway. Besides, this isn't to punish them. No, you go make war on them. It's my plan.
Science Officer: We can make armor to shield against the acid-
God: No armor.
Science Officer: Well, we can at least use our weapons from distance-
God: No weapons.
Captain: God, we are but mere mortals and wish to obey you properly. How do you expect us to win a war when we're not allowed armor or weapons and in an ecology that is overflowing with acid that only burns us and not our enemies.
God: Oh, you're not going to win. You're going to die painfully... I thought that was obvious, what with all the water and how I made you a-
Science officer: Baking-soda-and-vinegar based lifeforms. We know.
God: I don't like your tone.
Captain in a hurry: May we know some details of your plan, that we may better fulfill our part.
God: Okay, see, there's this guy who was a preacher right up until when I killed his wife. From that, he lost his faith. This will be how he gets his faith back. Thus, my plan to take and then restore his faith.
Science Officer: Seems like the easier thing to do would have been just to not kill his wife in the first place. No need to restore what's not been taken away.
God: Listen, that attitude won't get you anywhere with me.
Captain: Please forgive the Science Officer, oh Lord. But, surely, you must see how, to us, this plan doesn't have all of the love and kindness and... even much planning or message.
God: Surely, you can see what would happen to you if you doubt my kindness and-
Captain: Understood, Lord. Understood.
God: Good, now hop to.
The com cuts off.
A silent moment on the bridge.
Science Officer: So... uh... what do we do?
Captain: What can we do? I guess we start the war by... I don't know... going to hang out in their atmosphere and makings in their crops?
