Tip # 40 Smarm Is Not Charming.
Nov. 1st, 2015 01:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wingedbeastRay Comfort and Ken Ham, both, have regular bits where they, at the start of a debate, will talk about their accents and the comments some people have made regarding their accents. In his debate with Nye, Ham responded to a question that Nye couldn't answer with what was already an overused rhetorical device "I have this book..."
I'm sure they think they're being charming when they do that. I'm sure you thought that you were quite charming when you spoke to that one non-believer who just... refused to be charmed. Or even responded to your charm by taking offense.
Here's the thing about charm, it's conditional. And, a number of conditions can impact it.
For one thing, there has to be some genuine charm, not some rote-memorization. Whatever rhetorical device you heard someone else use that seemed charming, repeating that, even in exact, isn't going to achieve charm. It's not about the script.
For another thing, what you find charming in someone who tells you what you want to hear isn't necessarily going to be charming otherwise. When Ham said "I have this book..." the audience, at his Creation Museum so Creationists themselves, laughed, because they knew what was coming. Nye didn't laugh, also because he knew what was coming.
Because he was on their side, and they his, they were more ready to interpret "charm" when, really, what was on display was smug disrespect.
And, that's the big condition, respect versus disrespect. That makes a difference, whether you feel the respect or find yourself being disrespected.
Don't try to be charming, either you will be in a context or not. Instead, focus on having a respectful and honest conversation. That's always the part I find most refreshing, and the part that will charm me back into a conversation.
I'm sure they think they're being charming when they do that. I'm sure you thought that you were quite charming when you spoke to that one non-believer who just... refused to be charmed. Or even responded to your charm by taking offense.
Here's the thing about charm, it's conditional. And, a number of conditions can impact it.
For one thing, there has to be some genuine charm, not some rote-memorization. Whatever rhetorical device you heard someone else use that seemed charming, repeating that, even in exact, isn't going to achieve charm. It's not about the script.
For another thing, what you find charming in someone who tells you what you want to hear isn't necessarily going to be charming otherwise. When Ham said "I have this book..." the audience, at his Creation Museum so Creationists themselves, laughed, because they knew what was coming. Nye didn't laugh, also because he knew what was coming.
Because he was on their side, and they his, they were more ready to interpret "charm" when, really, what was on display was smug disrespect.
And, that's the big condition, respect versus disrespect. That makes a difference, whether you feel the respect or find yourself being disrespected.
Don't try to be charming, either you will be in a context or not. Instead, focus on having a respectful and honest conversation. That's always the part I find most refreshing, and the part that will charm me back into a conversation.
