Tip #52 Nicknames and... No.
Feb. 28th, 2016 12:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wingedbeastIn my time having conversations with evangelists and apologists, I have been called nicknames based on my online nick in online conversations, based on my real name in face-to-face conversations, and based on my real name in online conversations in which I haven't offered my real name. You might think that last one is the creepy one but, all of these are like the others.
It's always a name other than I have indicated my approval and it's always done without so much as a "do you mind if I call you...?" to seek that approval.
There are a few motivations that I can imagine. When I'm most positively disposed to the person using these nicknames, I imagine that said person is attempting to forge a connection with me. When someone's behavior has soured me in some particular ways, I can imagine this as an attempt at deliberate disrespect with plausible deniability. Of course, there's also the cult indoctrination technique that involves, among other things, changing someone's name.
In that first motivation, there's not much good to be had. In the best case scenario of using nicknames without permission (or with coerced permission), you're seen to attempt to forge a friendship. The reason I use the word "forge" is that, as easily as it can be used to mean "create", it can be used to mean "fake". This can show you as blatantly, if not successfully, manipulative or it can show you to not know the reality of friendship from a few outward signifies.
In the second motivation, there's worse to be had. Whether you're actually trying to convince the person you're talking to or playing to some unconvinced audience, if you're seen to attempt this disrespect, all you're really shown is to be antagonistic and dishonest.
I suppose you could be playing to fellow believers. But, I doubt that, in that case, you're much interested in a series about how to have better conversations with unbelievers.
For the last motivation... I'm afraid that may require it's own tip.
Otherwise, the range of possibilities starts at the best case of being seen as too deluded and superficial to comprehend real friendship to being seen as too manipulative and cruel to ever maintain real friendship. Neither puts your faith in positive light.
It's always a name other than I have indicated my approval and it's always done without so much as a "do you mind if I call you...?" to seek that approval.
There are a few motivations that I can imagine. When I'm most positively disposed to the person using these nicknames, I imagine that said person is attempting to forge a connection with me. When someone's behavior has soured me in some particular ways, I can imagine this as an attempt at deliberate disrespect with plausible deniability. Of course, there's also the cult indoctrination technique that involves, among other things, changing someone's name.
In that first motivation, there's not much good to be had. In the best case scenario of using nicknames without permission (or with coerced permission), you're seen to attempt to forge a friendship. The reason I use the word "forge" is that, as easily as it can be used to mean "create", it can be used to mean "fake". This can show you as blatantly, if not successfully, manipulative or it can show you to not know the reality of friendship from a few outward signifies.
In the second motivation, there's worse to be had. Whether you're actually trying to convince the person you're talking to or playing to some unconvinced audience, if you're seen to attempt this disrespect, all you're really shown is to be antagonistic and dishonest.
I suppose you could be playing to fellow believers. But, I doubt that, in that case, you're much interested in a series about how to have better conversations with unbelievers.
For the last motivation... I'm afraid that may require it's own tip.
Otherwise, the range of possibilities starts at the best case of being seen as too deluded and superficial to comprehend real friendship to being seen as too manipulative and cruel to ever maintain real friendship. Neither puts your faith in positive light.
no subject
Date: 2016-02-29 01:01 am (UTC)This. But it can also be, in my experience, a way of trying to gaslight you. That is, they're taking the initiative to change your name sans your approval as a way to try to make you doubt your perception that you don't actually like them that much/you're not really comfortable with them like that.
So they give you a nickname both as a means of disrespect, but also to try to gaslight you into thinking that you're much, much closer with this person than you thought. From there, if they can succeed in that, then they can possibly succeed in making you back down because Who Wants Strife Between Friends Amiright?
Ugh, so disgusting. So sorry you have to deal with that shit. Ick.
no subject
Date: 2016-02-29 01:16 am (UTC)